It's June 30th 2013. I'm now 27 and these last few years have been interesting. At 21 I met Ray. Ray was 27 and worldly. Entrancing blue eyes and incredibly smart. Oh intelligence...I was a sucker for the smart ones. The ones that could teach you a few things about life and the world. He was unattainable...another one of those characteristics that I seem to be drawn to like a moth to a flame. The unattainable ones reek of passion and adventure...danger and intrigue. It was a whirlwind and as quickly as it began...it ended. It ended with me landing in jail. Apparently I have a temper second to none and though Carrie got the point across in her song...I just ended up with a record. Unfortunately that didn't seem to deter the passion. We fucked each other on and off for another 3 years after that.
Though there were many a love affairs, I opened my heart to Matthew. I was in love with him, the kind that makes you giggle, the kind that makes you question your sanity... that makes you feel. I cried many tears for Matthew. He was perfect. Tall, smart, sensitive...a good soul. He drove me nuts but he thought me patience...something I had never dared to master. I'm still not a slayer of the beast but I do tame it every once in a while. He walked away...in the most cruel of ways. It hurt to breathe and left me emotionally scarred. This was the once in a lifetime love...the kind that you fear would never come about again.
So I met someone recently. Lets just say he broke me of my celibacy. He probably won't be one of those "soul defining loves" he's exactly my type and exactly what I think I need right now. Tall, probably more beautiful than a man should be, incredibly intelligent, fun and of course...unattainable. Wild in a way where it's impossible to ignore. 10 years my senior of course, I figure hanging out with an older guy should give me more perspective. I need to be more open...I need recapture that passion I once had for life...hell..I'm writing again. It feels good to let go.
