21

Tomorrow I turn 21. As I look back at the past few years, I'd like to report that I really haven't accomplished anything I set out to accomplish. Yes I went through basic training for the military, yes I made the dean's list and yes I finally lost the coveted virginity. I lost myself.

I lost what I wanted to be, hopes and dreams I had my heart set on achieving at this age. I was going to graduate college, become a great writer, make a difference, become an accomplished woman, capable of love and having someone else be so enthralled that they couldn't see straight. I wanted to be happy.

I sat on my bed today and realised that I suck. Maybe I want to much, maybe I need to try harder...no scratch that I need to stop wallowing in my self pity and do something. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to make it right. I'm in debt, something I never dreamed of, I have no job, men want me but only for a short time, and I have no one I can truly feel safe with as a friend. I'm truly alone.

So with this, my first journal on blogger. I make a promise to myself that during my 21st year I will go back to school, find someone who loves me and wants to be with me and I will finally get my life back on track. Let's hope that it'll be more than a productive year.